Running in the Dark

This morning I got up early. This is not like me. But I had a goal.

I decided a while back that I wanted to start running, just because it was an easy, cheap way to stay in shape and I should probably get into that habit. My husband also has a goal of running - but in particular he'd like to do a triathlon. Then, the other day I came across a fall Vineyard 5K series and I thought, "Okay, if anything will get me running, this will."

So last night I got hubby to give me the ipod and show me his Couch-to-5K playlist and tell me the route he was using to train before good intentions wore out. And this morning, pretty excited by my intentions really, I jumped out of bed at the alarm at 5 a.m. to get dressed and get out.

5 a.m. on a morning in mid-late August.

Do you know how dark it is outside at 5 a.m. in mid-late August?

This dark:

I took this photo out my front window - that's the moon up above, the streetlight to the left and my neighbor's door light in the middle. Okay poor photo quality notwithstanding, this is dark.

I'm all ready to go, but I'm a little scared.

Yup. Young. Female. Long ponytail. Running alone. In the dark. Without her cell phone.

You tell me, should I be scared?

Even here in the burbs?

Even though I'm a 30-something wearing a t-shirt and long pants instead of, say, an 18-year-old in a sports bra and spandex shorts (not that that person should feel afraid either).

Well I am. And that's the ugly face of systemic, societally-ingrained oppression.

In a society that would lay blame to me running alone in the dark IF something did happen to me.

There is NO WAY IN HELL that my husband would've said to me when he woke up to do this "Wow, it's really dark out this early. Do you think I'll see anybody else out there?" No. If he wanted to do this, he would've just gotten up and gone without a second thought that there was anything unreasonable about his behavior, or potentially unsafe about what he was about to do.

But I am a woman. And women can't afford to think that way.

Even when I know I'll actually be fine and my fear is unfounded. PLENTY of women do this same thing. That's not the point.

I've now already wasted* a good 20 minutes waiting for it to lighten up outside a bit before I start. And it is still summer, and light earlier. My schedule really does require me to do this in the morning. By about 6 I have to be back home to clean up and help get myself and my son ready for the day. And by the time I get home this evening, there are all kinds of other things that need doing - and besides, dark is yet again not far off.

So, scared or not, the time is now. Off I go. With only my ipod strapped to my arm, and my phone at home.

I'm sure I'll be just fine.

But I shouldn't have had to give it a second thought at all.

UPDATE:

As expected, I'm just fine.

But I did ponder finding a friend to run with or changing up my route now and again so that I don't end up with a "predictable pattern".  That's the stuff you ponder when you're a woman.

PS: What it looks like through that same window when I got home.

*I really shouldn't have called that 20 minutes wasted. I did use the time to write this after all.